Element Symbol: BJ
by and Teng
Summary: Element: Bloody Jashin and totally not referring to anything else. Hidan enlists Kakuzu's help to learn all the elements for his chemistry class. Learn every element with the Zombie Brothers in an epic coming-of-age story. But wait... that requires some form of maturity and patience... Nevermind. KakuHida AU
1. Mendeleev Best Be Scared

**Warnings: **Cursing and chemistry! AU, established relationship/s, and KakuHida. No real effort put in plus no beta equals a good possibility for mistakes.

**Disclaimer:** No.

**O' My Bloody Jashin, Let's Learn Our Periodic Table! Ready? Set? Go!**

**Mendeleev Best Be Scared**

"I refuse to waste my valuable time for free." Kakuzu chose a table near a corner. The only other person in the small establishment was an employee cleaning a counter. The worker was already used to their presence so he didn't pay much heed to Hidan's cursing.

"I'll pay you with my love! Isn't that shit like... priceless or something?" Hidan said with a shit-eating grin.

"Priceless in a currency I can't spend." he snorted.

"But you have to help me, seriously!"

"Pray tell, why must I help you?"

"Becaaauuse you know like... every little shit about all the elements and you wouldn't want me to fail, would ya'?" Hidan grinned up at his boyfriend. They were seated at a Smoothie King with their drinks sitting in front of them- Hidan's usual Peanut Power Plus Chocolate smoothie and Kakuzu's Mo'cussino Caramel.

"Dating a hooligan would certainly bring me down..."

"Hey, hey! I resent that, seriously!"

"If we're going to learn about elements," Kakuzu continued ignoring Hidan, "I need to know what you know about the periodic table."

He leaned onto the table with one arms, "Well, there are like families and groups and alkalies and earth alkalies, blah, blah, and fuck-ety blah. C'mon, I know that shit, I just need to memorize the whole Oxygen is whatever number 'n stuff."

"Did you bring a periodic table?" Hidan nodded and took it out of his backpack.

"We gonna start at one?" he asked after laying it infront of Kakuzu.

The scarred man paused before looking up, "Do you even know which one has an atomic number of one? And don't look at the paper."

"Uh... carbon?" Hidan guessed lamely. If Kakuzu was any less of his character, he would have face palmed. He stuck to breathing in through his mouth and out through his nose.

"You're hopeless."

"So I've heard. Funny thing is it keeps comin' from the same fuckin' guy." he teased and poked at a stitch on Kakuzu's cheek.

He swiped the pale hand away from his face. "It may be beneficial to listen to him."

'Nah', he's kinda an asswipe." Hidan gave a lazy grin which Kakuzu just barely returned.

"Of course he is. And he'd really rather be at home finishing his homework and sleeping rather than telling you you're hopeless."

"Oi, c'mon. I'm just kidding, Kakuzu!" the albino laughed in a fake fashion.

He smirked, "Really. Why am I even here? Can't you learn this by yourself?"

"But we've gotta stick together! Y'know, people like _us_." He pointed his purple fingernails(an inside joke within their little click) at the both of them.

"And do tell what minority we both happen to be in?"

Hidan looked thoughtful before shrugging, "Well, we're gay!"

"Then study with Deidara." the tanned teen replied bluntly.

"He's not allowed back in here, remember?" Neither had to turn around to see Deidara's face posted on a bulletin board. Now that they thought of it, he wasn't allowed anywhere, really. Half the mall had him banned as well as the roller rink and all the local recreational centers. Oh, and don't forget Chuck E' Cheese's. In their high school, the blond was literally one clay bird away from an expulsion(or explosion).

"Go to his house."

"But I'm studying with you! We're both... differently colored from everyone else?" Hidan smoothed his slicked hair back sheepishly when Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"I'm tanned like every other Latin American and South Eastern Asian. You're pale like every other sun-deprived pan-ethnic person."

Hidan scratched his head, "What the fuck is that?"

"Just shut up, Hidan." Kakuzu took a long sip from his drink to calm himself. Maybe he did get a little riled up too easily.

"What! I'm trying to convince you that we're both fucking awesome together!"

"Like caesium and water."

"Exactly! So just sit your ass back down and we'll start with the first element!" Funny thing is, Kakuzu had remained sitting since they first sat down. He chose not to point it out.

"Fine." he said already exhausted by his boyfriend.

Hidan whooped loudly and raised a fist up for Kakuzu to bump(which Kakuzu ignored), "Time to kick ass! Ready Mendeleev? 'Cuz we're gonna fuck you up!"

"Idiot."

A/N: Yes, I should be sleeping. Yes, I should be working on other fics. No, I don't give a fuck. I've been meaning to do a drabble fic and since KakuHida is my OTP... Iz allll guud. Um, in case some of you are wondering, I chose Kakuzu because he's supposed to know like a bunch o' element... in Naruto-verse... which is like five or six(don't make me google this) versus 118. Yes, I'm hoping for this fic to have at least 119 drabble/chapters when I'm done with it. Plus, I've been waiting for an awesome KakuHida AU since foreevveeerrr. This'll help pass the time... as well as League of Legends... lol..


	2. Hydrogen

_Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings._

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><p><strong>Atomic<strong>** Number One: H is for Hidan**

Kakuzu sighed and started over, "Hydrogen has the atomic number of one. Not carbon. Do you understand?"

Hidan nodded, "Yeah, yeah. Hydrogen's the first one. Got it." He leaned over the table to stare at the sheet of paper. Kakuzu's tanned fingers traced over the rows and columns, explaining the significance.

"It only has one proton therefore it it the first on the periodic table. If you get this one wrong, I need you to get tested."

The silver menace scowled, "I won't, I fuckin' swear-"

"Everyone knows you swear."

He raised a fist which caused the employee to actually look up before resuming his game of Temple Run, "-to Jashin! Don't cut me off, you heathen! Some of us have priorities-"

"And one of mine happens to be stopping your insanity from growing." he interrupted once more while leaning on his fist unsympathetically.

"Ugh, whatever! But y'know, this whole hydrogen gots one proton shit, how am I gonna remember that?" Kakuzu raised his left eyebrow uncaringly, "I just need a little saying to remember it!"

"What, daresay, do you mean by that?"

"Like, that Columbus one: "In 1662, Columbus sailed the ocean blue."" Hidan recited incorrectly and proudly.

"1492, Hidan."

"Oh! It even sounds better! See, now I'm gonna remember that worthless shit for the rest of my life." Hidan gave a thumbs up even though it looked like he couldn't care less.

Kakuzu couldn't help but sigh, "But it's hydrogen. Hydrogen is the first one! What else is hydrogen going to be?" He even pulled up his sheet of paper to exaggerate. He pointed at H and practically shoved it in Hidan's face.

"It could be like seven or whatever number heads those dragon monsters have." Hidan whined.

Kakuzu groaned at the reference. Was he testing his patience? "What?"

Hidan flailed around, his arms impersonating snakes with turrets, "Hydras! Yeah, those! What if I confuse the two?"

"Then don't mix them up! Honestly, what idiot mixes up the two?" he yelled, glad they were the only customers in the small smoothie shop. He's been kicked out of establishments in the past when he had lost his "cool."

However Hidan, the usual cause of this aggresion, continued unnerved, "C'mon, just a clue for me? If I forget the first one, it'll be your fault!"

"Fine! If it stops your whine, hydrogen is in water. And water happens to be in nearly every living thing. Therefore hydrogen is number one." the tanned teen snarled, "Hydrogen is number fucking one."

"Like me."

"... What?" he stared incredulously at the cheeky teen. His moment of rage was dying quickly, almost as fast as it came.

"Hydrogen. You said it was number fucking one and I'm the fucking best. So technically, H is for Hidan." Hidan nodded to himself approvingly.

"If you're planning to do this for every element, I will kill you. I will hang you and cut your head off in case you come back to life." Kakuzu threatened sounding completely serious. And one can never really know with his temper...

However, Hidan doesn't really give a crap. "I'm being serious, seriously. If a equals b and b equals c, c must equal a. Therefore H equals Hidan."

Kakuzu literally face-palmed, "I'm about to tie the noose."

"But you can't, seriously."

"If you annoy me any further, I'm sure anything is possible."

"No because then you'd be killing a part of yourself. And then you'd die or some shit because you wouldn't have the vital Hidan within yourself."

"I'm sure I'll find more." Kakuzu shrugged nonchalantly but Hidan 'tsked' and waved his finger.

"But you see, you wouldn't be able to because even though I'm in everything, you're my everything. 'Cuz your the only guy I'm willing to fucking bond with." Hidan paused before smiling lecherously, "And I don't mean covalent bonding, if ya' know what I mean."

"If you're trying woo me, you have a better chance at running me over."

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><p>AN: Gosh, I adore those cliche feel-good movies! Y'know: The Blind Side, October Sky, Stand and Deliver, and just the other day, A Smile as Big as the Moon!

Edit: I don't even know how this chapter turned out all bold... Why didn't anyone tell me? *sob* jk! But obvy fixed, so yeahh.


	3. Helium

__Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings.__

* * *

><p><strong>Atomic Number of Two: He is a Gay Relationship<strong>

Hidan twirled the straw in his cup while Kakuzu stated the second element on the Periodic table- if reading it from left to right, top to down- was Helium. Helium. Hidan had already used his own name but what other almost-cutesy but really purposely annoying things could he do with the word. He wasn't lying when he said he was pretty hopeless when it came to the Periodic table but he wanted to enjoy learning too!

"So two? I think I can make something outta that." Hidan cackled.

"Please don't." Kakuzu immediately responded.

Oh the glee he was receiving seeing a frown on that scarred face! Call him crazy, which isn't incorrect in the slightest, but he loved it when Kakuzu was mad for two reasons. First, because Hidan can be predictable too, Kakuzu is even _sexier_when he's pissed. And second, he's just an annoying shit who takes pleasure in anyone's dissatisfaction.

"But I gotta remember this, You don't want me to fail, do ya'?" he pouted, which he knew looked out of place and not very cute at all. And at the twitch in the stitched teen's temple, Hidan felt golden.

"I have my reasonable days." Kakuzu snorted. And no one, not even the zealot, blamed him.

"Helium.. H... E..." Hidan tapped his chin in fake depth, "He!"

Kakuzu lightly clapped twice without enthusiasm, "I'm so glad you learned to spell. Would you like a cookie?"

"Fuck yeah! And by the way, if I'm the kid, that makes you the child-fucker! Ha!" he teased carelessly and couldn't avoid the smack to the side of his head. Hidan laughed through the pain, both knowing his pain tolerance was abnormally high.

"And check this shit out," Hidan began excitedly, "He, as in two dudes, as in us! Helium is a gay couple! Like _us_!"

Kakuzu just looked blankly at Hidan. "How am I supposed to respond? "Yay. Congratulations on making useless, childish and inappropriate mnemonics.""

"Well, it wasn't really inappropriate but I guess those atoms are probably fucking each other." he answered easily before giggling at the thought of two atoms literally banging against each other.

"Do you have no shame?"

"Only if you buy me some." Hidan laughed when Kakuzu refused to answer, "Bitch, that's what I thought."

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><p><strong>AN:** This ones pretty short because I actually typed this one up in like half an hour but then again, these are drabbles... I already wrote the lithium one but forgot I never typed up the second element... So yeah, that's what's up with the double update.


	4. Lithium

_Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings._

* * *

><p><strong>Atomic Number of Three: Lithium<strong>

Kakuzu glanced at the digital clock chilling on the wall. It has been a good fifteen minutes since they've sat down. And they were only on the third one. Fuck. This is what he get for trying to be a good person.

"Its symbol is Li."

Hidan glanced down at the palm of his hands before scratching the back of his head. He looked smug and confident as he uncharacteristically correctly answered, "What is Lithium?"

The taller of the two froze, "Wait, what?"

"Lithium. Isn't that shit found in like batteries or something?" he asked nonchalantly as if he hadn't confused carbon with hydrogen just a few seconds ago. Kakuzu didn't know if he should question it further or just continue on.

So he asked cautiously, "So, is that it?

"What do you mean, "is that it?"" Hidan mocked and seemed to build up in volume, "We've got like 115 fucking more to go! "Is that it?" my ass!"

A potential customer that wandered in immediately walked out. The employee looked like he wanted to say something(perhaps quiet down a crude, young man scaring passersby) but shrugged and went back to magazine flipping.

"No stupid trick to do this?" he asked once more, ignoring the previous outburst. Hidan had always been overzealous. Like that one time he nearly drowned himself trying to outswim Kisame, or as the kids on the "streets"(hallways) called him, Jaws 2.

"Stupid trick? Seriously? Three is the most fucking important number to exist! You don't use a shitty trick to memorize three. Triangles, Turkey, triffids, DNA, RNA, triads, tridents, hemimetabolous insects, March, trinomials, Sicily, tripoli, Triple A, triplet codon system, Bermuda, little pigs, blind mice, musketeers, trilogy- the fucking Hunger Games!" he spouted like Moby Dick- Kakuzu immediately takes back the misunderstandable phrase. Despite the many similarities between the dangerous, white beast and Moby Dick, he'd prefer no crappy sexual puns.

Kakuzu could only stare blankly. "You're a very complex person for an idiot." It was as close as a compliment Hidan was allowed to have. There should be signs posted near his room warning children not to feed his ego.

"Damn right." before adding under his breathe, "... thinks I don't know three. Jashin's triangle is like a fucking Baptist's trinity..."

Kakuzu decided to just continue since the conversation seemed pretty closed now, "The fourth one-"

"Hey, Kakuzu." Hidan interrupted with a serious face that Kakuzu found rather unsettling.

"What?"

"I just lied to your fucking face. I wrote that one down on my hand." At that, Hidan lunged out of his seat and waved his hand like a lunatic in Kakuzu's face while laughing obnoxiously. He scowled and pushed it away. And here he thought he could be proud of his partner for once.

"Why is that even there?"

The silver-haired teen shrugged and replied casually, "I wanted to see if I could fit the entire periodic table on my hand for the test."

"How did that go, dumbass?" he said sarcastically..

"How dya' think it went, _you_ dumbass?"

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><p><strong>AN:** So, hi ya'll. This is actually my favorite drabble so far. And if you guys didn't notice, I changed the title for the obvious jab at the word blowjob as well as just feeling more natural than the previous title(which I admit I knew was ridiculous but I loved it anyways). I'm also here to thank **13Nessie13** for my FIRST REVIEW on this! Yay! So toodles and do leave some love if you've got the time.


	5. Beryllium

_Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings._

* * *

><p><strong>Atomic Number of Four: Four Cheers for Be!<strong>

"Yo, ass-hat, what's the next one?" Hidan prodded as they wandered into the parking lot. The youngest led them towards a woulda-been meek white car if it wasn't for the random bright red strip that cut through the sides. The doors were unlocked- "Let's see them get pass the power of Jashin!"- and both their bag were thrown into the back without a care.

The interior of the car was pretty clean except for a few stain on the seats of blood and something else(if you catch my drift).

"Beryllium." Kakuzu finally answered after he buckled in and reached over to do the same for Hidan. He refused to allow him to get a ticket for something so inane.

Hidan cocked his head and repeated pathetically, "Berry-lily-um?"

"No, for once in your life, _listen_." Kakuzu talked slowly, as if speaking to child(which he was), "Beryllium."

"Oh! Bur-lilium!"

"No."

"Bur-ri-rium! Fuck! I bet this isn't even a damn element! Sounds like a fucking fruit flower!" Hidan accused.

"Oh, how did you know, Hidan?" he replied sarcastically, "Of course, it couldn't just be you being too stupid to pronounce beryllium."

"BERYLLIUM!" Hidan looked surprised at himself, "Ha! Beryllium! Kiss my ass, Kakuzu! Who's stupid now?"

Kakuzu sighed, playing with Hidan's block phone which fortunately was bought before demos were preloaded instead of the full game. Tetris loaded and his large fingers moved blocks with novice speed.

"Still you. Four tries doesn't make you smart."

"Maybe I did that on purpose! Beryllium does have... Uh.. F-four protons! Yeah! Four protons!" Hidan laughed in success, "See, you don't know shit about me!"

"I know you came to me for help. So watch the road and suck it up."

"Pfft. I don't suck, I _swallow_."

-

**A/U:** Um yeah. In the midst of this very stressful time, I have updated! But yeah, good luck to everyone with all the shit May-June brings. Thank you to everyone who left a review! Time to call y'all out: **Yuki**, **Dagiis**, and **FullOfAwesomeness44**. You guys _are_ full of awesome!


	6. Boron

_Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings._

* * *

><p><strong>Atomic Number of Five: Boron is for Morons<strong>

Hidan rang Deidara's doorbell once and waited. He waited a whole seven seconds, enough time for anyone to dash through their house to answer their door- or so he reasoned. Then he began to ring it rapidly. He literally smashed his left hand against the door in sync with the spazzing bell.

"Hidan! Get the FUCK away from my house, un!" The door swung open, hitting Hidan hard enough to make an average man's jaw dislocate. But fortunately(or unfortunately depending on whose perspective we're taking) he was quite a hardy pest.

Deidara glared at the smiling teen. "I thought you were studying with Kakuzu?" He crossed his arms impatiently. He almost felt guilty about Hidan's darkening jaw but the masochist kept jabbing at it with his index finger in creepy pleasure.

"Well, I was. But get this, he got all PO'ed and fucking kicked me outta my own car! You were the closest house, man." Hidan nudged the blond as if this was such a great honor.

"What did you do?" Usually Deidara wouldn't mind the random visit, but he just got out of after school detention. He was accused of putting some explosive in a certain Hatake's locker. He did do it but no one else was even questioned!

"Nothin', I swear to Jashin! People never believe me when I say Kakuzu's one moody bitch!"

"That's 'cuz you're usually lying, un!"

Hidan put his hands up in defeat, "Alright, alright! So, there was this stupid ass old lady driving in front of us and I was all like, "Move, bitch! Get out the way!" and Kakuzu's just like," Hidan switched to a ridiculously low octave, ""Stop fucking screaming and close your window!" Y'know how he likes to nag."

"Of course." Deidara rolled his eyes but laughed anyway. One of the few reasons he enjoyed having Hidan around was how _insane_ he was.

"But get this," he continued incredulously, "that granny fuckin' gave me this look, like she wanted to get fucked up! So, yeah, I was just like, "Zuzu, she wants a fight! By Jashin's word, I'll give 'er one!" and I started tailgating that hag and honking like bitching mad! Seriously, Kakuzu was so fucking pisssssed." He laughed at the memory of the tantrum his passenger had had.

"And this is him being moody, un?"

Not catching the sarcasm, Hidan nodded energetically, "Finally! Yes! Damn right it was! Then he threatened to throw me out of my car if I didn't let him drive and I was like, fine! He locked the doors and now here I am!" He opened up his arms in a "tada!" gesture.

"Y'know, this is the fifth time this happened, un. You should really stop pissing him off."

"Oh! That actually reminds me!" Hidan pulled out his cellphone and called up his 'loving' boyfriend. He turned away from the blond, who took the opportunity to re-enter his house swiftly. The last time Hidan got in, he managed to shallowly cut himself on a shard of pottery from Deidara's recent artistic creations. Then, being the hemophiliac he was, proceeded to draw his cult symbol on the carpet while Deidara was calling up Kakuzu in panic.

But back to Hidan! The phone rang once before Kakuzu picked up,_ "Hello?"_

"Sup, bitch."

_"I'm hanging up."_He sounded extremely annoyed but Hidan seriously needed to ask something.

"Wait, wait! Kakuzu, damnit, I need to ask you something. Actually two things."

_"You may but I am under no obligation to answer either question."_

Hidan almost scoffed at the unnecessary formality but he didn't want to get in more shit with Kakuzu. So he turned his boy-ish charm on and asked sweetly, "C'mon, you can't still be mad?"

_"Yes, I can and I am. One more question."_the other replied gruffly. Honestly, how did Hidan get stuck with this fickle pickle?

"The first one was rhetorical!" Hidan yelled into the phone indignantly.

_"But a question nonetheless._" Kakuzu answered curtly.

"I get an extra one just 'cuz!"

_"Just hurry up. You're wasting my minutes." _Hidan whooped loudly. Kakuzu was such a pushover sometimes. All he ever needed to do was whine for a few seconds.

"And you're wasting my gas! But first, can you pick me up from Dei's house?"

_"When I'm not in the mood of murder, yes."_

"Cool, and what's the next element?" he asked curiously.

_"Are you serious?"_

"Always, everyday!"

_"Boron."_

"Ha! That sounds like moron!" Hidan laughed obnoxiously before realizing his boyfriend wasn't doing his usual sighs or mutterings. "Kakuzu? Kakuzu? Kakakakukukuzuzuzu?" He stared at his phone and cursed, "He fucking hung up on me! What a shitty guy!"

Hidan turned back to his friend's house but the door was locked, window blinds closed as well. He shrugged, poked at his darkening bruise, and found a spot under a large tree to wait patiently(take a nap).

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><p>AN: So yeah... This bitch literally wrote itself. I had no freakin' clue where it was going until midway through Hidan's rant. But thank you for the kind reviews(you know who you are!) and I'm honestly really grateful for everyone putting this on their fav's, alerts, or reviewing. I can't believe I'm on five... you see, I'm not one for continuing things. I'm a one-shot kinda girl!


	7. Carbon

_Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings._

* * *

><p><strong>Atomic Number of Six: C is for Kakuzu- oh wait...<strong>

"Next one! Give it to me, bitch!" Hidan yelled excitedly. And due to his over animated nature, he starting flailing his arms. Kakuzu, without looking over, reached his right hand and smacked the teen's head lightly. Hidan grumbled but calmed down considerably.

Kakuzu turned his head and noted the better behavior his boyfriend was exhibiting. "Carbon."

"Oh, that starts with a C, man!" He was again enthusiastic but this time, he kept his hand to his sides. To some, it may seem odd how happy Hidan was but he was a typically upbeat character- unless something displeases him, of course.

The masked teen nodded slowly, "Yes. Yes it does."

"Like Kakuzu!"

There was silence and Kakuzu honestly didn't know how to respond to that, "What?"

"You know, your name. C-O-C-K-U-Z-O-O. Kinda like cockatoo." Hidan made a little motion above his head symbolizing the signature cockatoo crest.

If they weren't on a highway, Kakuzu would have stopped. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Is there only one C?" Hidan asked sincerely, tilting his head with a frown. Kakuzu would have mocked him for the too-cutesy movement but there was an even more disturbing issue he had to take care of.

"Hidan... how long have you known me?"

"Far too friggin' long." And by that, they both knew approximately six years.

Kakuzu growled lowly and faced forward with a slight tilt to the left. Silent treatment. This will go one of two ways: Hidan gets desperate and tries to reconcile with Kakuzu or Hidan gets bored and go on one of his many monologues.

"Is it 'cuz I misspelled your name? 'Cuz I swear, it's a helluva lot easier to spell on paper." Good, option one. It would make this argument much more easier.

"It's not spelled with a COCK, you moron!"

Hidan looked like someone just slapped his puppy(which, had he had one, wouldn't have lasted long in the first place. Every little animal, excluding for his supposedly prophet rabbit, within a fourth of mile from his house "disappears"), "What the fuck, since when? I thought that's how we first fought!"

"You can remember that but not how to spell my name? We fought because YOU couldn't spell my name right! Why would we argue about me writing my own damn name wrong?" The things Kakuzu would do right now if he wasn't driving... But he was, so maybe Hidan was blessed.

"Now you're definitely not making any sense, seriously."

"K-A-K-U-Z-U. That is how my name has always been spelled!"

"Oh. Whelp." he shrugged apathetically, "Now I know. But what I don't know is what atomic number we're on!"

"Six."

"Huh, we're breezing through these bitches!" And then he started smacking the air in front of him like a pimp. He defined maturity to its core.

"What do you mean!" Kakuzu demanded, "It's been over two hours and we've only gotten through six!"

"Well, aren't you just optimistic, K-A-K-U-Z-U!" he paused with a look of contemplation, "With six letters! Whaddaya' know!"

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><p>AN: Um. Hey... Been a while... I know there a quite a few grammatical errors but... I'm just really not feeling it today. And this is quite a pathetic chapter but whatever! I actually really wanted a more epic chapter for carbon 'cuz it's carbon but I guess later. And I'm sorry for the wait, school 'n stuff. And procrastination! There's always that one!

Please do leave a review! I cherish them like babies in costumes. You know what's especially cute? Babies dressed up as manatees.


	8. Nitrogen

_Regard the previous drabble for disclaimers and warnings. _THIS CHAPTER IS SUPER FLUFFY, HEADS UP.

* * *

><p><strong>Atomic Number of Seven: Nitro-fucking-what?<strong>

Hidan parked in Kakuzu's driveway, insisting on re-hydrating before continuing on with his perilous journey home. And Kakuzu, being the caring boyfriend who would do anything to get Hidan to shut the fuck up, allowed him indoor.

"Are you finished?" Kakuzu asked when he heard clinking glass, taking it as Hidan putting away his mess. He knew the younger adored his mother and actually put an effort (as minimal as that effort may seem) to keep on her good side.

"Tell your ma I like her new frame." Hidan admired a cute water color painting of a manatee newly hung near the kitchen sink. He did put away his glass but he wanted to stay a little longer. Extra time to snog and all that fun stuff.

"Sure," Kakuzu walked into the kitchen to stand beside him, "You should stay for dinner…" he said absent mindedly, before groaning. Shit like that always slipped through his lips before he thought about it.

Fortunately, Hidan laughed it off, "Jashin, your invitations are fucking irresistible. My favorite part is always the regret." He turned away from him and headed towards the closed front door, "Besides, I can't. I got shit to do."

The taller of the two frowned despite the relief he felt. Don't get him wrong, he's just spent several, very aggravating hours with Hidan already. He followed, "Declining? That's… different." He phrased it carefully so not to discourage this strange event.

"Yeah, you know I'd rather be here since I love your mom's food. Like I love it more than…" Hidan paused in contemplation. For a second, Kakuzu actually believed he would say something worthwhile, "More than dicks."

Kakuzu tried to hold in a laugh but ended up snorting loudly. He tried to look nonchalant about it but Hidan was smiling ear to ear. He squealed and cooed, acting like a complete moron. He came closer to him but the embarrassed teen grabbed the other's wrist before it could pinch his cheek.

"Holy shit, that was so cute!" he continued to coo even as Kakuzu glared pure rays of _death_ at him, "You think I'm actually funny! And whaddaya know! All it took was a penis joke."

"Shut up!"

"Not until you admit you think I'm fucking hilarious!" he yelled and freed himself from the grip. He circled around Kakuzu like the little white shark he was before hugging him from behind. Kakuzu half-heartedly tried to pull his boyfriend's arms off of his stomach but he knew from experience, it would be an unnecessarily taxing sport.

"I think you're mental. And don't you have "shit" to do?" he growled.

"Not when Zu-zu's trying to hide his true feelings from me." Hidan sighed, rubbing his face up and down the shirt covering Kakuzu's back. It was soft, unlike the beholder's personality. "It's okay, I understand. The world's a cold place, but I, Hidan, son of Kumaron and Jensa, born of middle class, with a love of fire, warm nights on the beach, preferably fucking—"

"Holy shit, stop. This isn't Match dot com." Kakuzu rumbled as he turned himself around within the confines of the pale arms.

"dedicated disciple of Jashin-sama, will not betray you."

"I'm surprised you didn't say anything about pain or blood."

"Would that get you to check out my profile?"

He rolled his oddly colored eyes, "If nothing else…"

"You're such a sadistic ass." he snickered before draping himself over Kakuzu's thick shoulders. He pushed himself against Kakuzu so their chests were completely lined up. The other didn't push him away (as if he would even want to) and leaned downwards for Hidan's sake.

"Yeah…" He pecked Hidan's lips after a moment. "I thought you had to go soon?"

"I do but I'm waiting for something, bitch."

They stood there, Kakuzu confused and Hidan smiling expectantly. Until Hidan realized Kakuzu honestly didn't know why they were just staring at each other. He scowled and crossed his pale arms behind the stitched back, bringing them closer together. "C'mon man, you serious?"

"Nitrogen?"

"Nitro-fucking-what?"

"Nitrogen. It's the seventh element."

Hidan groaned and tugged lightly at his long sideburns, "You're seriously one of the top five most un-fucking-believable people in this damned world." Seriously? They were literally pressed up against each other and that's what he thinks of?

"I have no clue what you want from me."

"A kiss, you dick-for-brain!"

"I already did."

"A goodbye kiss, like with tongue and shit. Is that so much to fucking ask for?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Hey.. guys... long time, no see... Well, that chapter was different, aye? No puns... But guess what?! I HAVE FINALLY FAV'D 1000 STORIES! Wooh! It took me over 4 years but I've done it! So I updated this and I'll actually be uploading the first chapter of another KakuHida fic soon. This is a little too exciting, y'all. This is a celebratioonnn. March 11, 2013, remember that date!

Also, this chapter was to give a little insight on home life. Kakuzu's mother might be Indian (Eastern sense), Filipino, or Columbian, but most likely Indian, 2nd/3rd generation in a country a little similar to USA. Also, I'm really trying to make their relationship legit-ish. They're not together for appearances or convenience; they both genuinely enjoy each other's company.

Happy Every Occasion Between Now and The Last Time I Updated!


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